The orgasm gap is the difference in pleasure between a man and a woman during intimacy. Women often report that their male partners have more orgasms during intercourse, and in some cases women have none at all. This is not just about technique but also reflects a cultural issue in how we think about sex and female pleasure. This blog will focus on how heterosexual men can help close the pleasure gap, increase sexual satisfaction, and improve their overall intimate lives.
What Causes the Orgasm Gap?
The orgasm gap exists because women’s bodies are often overlooked during intimacy. Many people don’t realise that most women don’t orgasm from penetrative sex alone. This is because oral sex and clitoral stimulation is very important and usually overlooked. Cultural ideas and media often treat sex as “finished” when the man climaxes, and many couples struggle to talk openly about what feels good. This affects orgasm frequency and, combined with performance pressure and a lack of pleasure-focused education, leaves many women less likely to reach orgasm than their partners. Furthermore, in order to not make their partners feel insecure about their ability to please, women often fake orgasms. This can further destabilise the foundation between two people as it creates feelings of mistrust from the man, if he believes she is only performing, and resentment from the women as her needs are not met.
Heterosexual Women Report
According to a 2016 study of more than 52,000 U.S. adults, heterosexual women are the least likely group to orgasm when they are sexually intimate, with only 65% reporting orgasm, compared to 95% of their heterosexual male counterparts.
“Did you come?”
“Yes.”
“Really?”
“No”
Interestingly enough, a report showed that the rate of orgasms differed by sexual orientation. homosexual women have less of an issue with reaching climax. The study found that lesbian women are significantly more likely to orgasm (74.7%) than heterosexual (61.6%) or bisexual women (58.0%).
These findings raise important questions: Do lesbians orgasm more because sexual encounters between women are more focused on clitoral stimulation? Is there less performance pressure when there isn’t a male-centered sexual script? Are women simply more comfortable communicating the needs and desires of their own bodies with female partners? Does sharing similar female anatomy make it easier to intuit what feels good? And finally, does stepping outside traditional sexual myths allow women to prioritise pleasure in a more intentional way?
Although the answers to these questions will vary, they illuminate key ideas that can be explored to help close the orgasm gap.
Closing the Female Orgasm Gap (Spoiler Alert)
The vast majority of women have experienced barriers to orgasming which has heavily influenced their sex life. These obstacles can be caused by mental blocks which derive from feelings of shame, inadequacy and anxiety. The key is to create a space where your body and mind feel safe enough to let go and be fully present in the moment. Enjoy the experience without expecting to orgasm. As you become more comfortable with what you do and don’t like, reaching orgasm becomes easier over time because your brain begins to associate pleasure with safety and anticipation.
Self-Exploration
Sex research found that women who explore their bodies through masturbation on their own often become better communicators with their partners. They are more able to express what feels good, what they want, and how their partner can help them reach orgasm. Over time, this open communication can deepen intimacy and make it easier to experiment together with new positions or techniques to discover what they enjoy.
Turn-Taking During Sexual Activity
One way to help close the orgasm gap in a relationship is to try turn-taking during sexual activity. Instead of rushing through sex or treating penetration as the main event, focus on giving each partner dedicated attention. This allows both men and women to feel prioritised, reduces performance pressure, and helps each person fully explore what brings them pleasure. For example, some women may enjoy clitoral orgasms but have never had one from vaginal penetration, highlighting the importance of exploring multiple forms of stimulation. You can set aside time for intimacy, decide who goes first, and switch roles when it feels right. Over time, this approach can improve communication and create a more satisfying experience for both partners.
Explore Other Forms of Stimulation
A huge lack of attention to women’s pleasure often comes from cultural scripts and even porn, which frequently ignore clitoral stimulation. Adding other forms of touch, like sensual massage or incorporating sex toys, can enhance sexual activity and help both partners discover what feels best. Toys can be used externally during intercourse or foreplay, reduce strain, and even introduce novelty without replacing intimacy. Learning together what works—whether it’s finding the best position or experimenting with new techniques—can make sex feel more fun and connected.
Show and Tell: Communicate What Feels Good
Many couples struggle to talk openly about sex, which contributes to a huge lack of understanding about women’s pleasure. Practicing a “show and tell” approach—guiding your partner’s hand, giving simple feedback, or demonstrating what feels good—removes guesswork and builds confidence. Over time, partners become fluent in each other’s preferences, which improves good sex and increases the likelihood that both people will experience orgasms.
Slow Down and Prioritise Foreplay
Skipping foreplay can leave one partner under-stimulated and create tension in the relationship. Non-sexual touch, such as sensual massage, cuddling, and slow kissing, can help build arousal gradually. Techniques like eye contact, synced breathing, and playful exploration of each other’s bodies can enhance intimacy, increase women’s pleasure, and make orgasms more achievable for both men and women.
Keep Communication Open
Ongoing communication is essential in any relationship. Ask your partner questions like “What did you like best?” or “Would you like to try something different next time?” Discussing desires, boundaries, and pleasure openly—sometimes even with guidance from marital therapy—can normalise dialogue about sex and help both partners feel heard. When communication is prioritised, good sex becomes more consistent, satisfaction increases, and both partners are more likely to experience orgasms.
Conclusion
Sex research shows that the orgasm gap isn’t just about individual technique—it reflects broader gender differences and a cultural issue in how we think about human sexuality and female sexuality. While most men may assume that penetrative sex is enough, studies have found that women’s orgasms often depend on clitoral stimulation and other forms of touch, highlighting a huge lack of focus on female pleasure in many sexual encounters. What these numbers make clear is that women already have a strong understanding of their own bodies and what feels good, yet their sexual experiences are often shaped by scripts that prioritise male orgasms over their own.
Thank You for Coming!
By exploring their bodies, communicating openly with a sexual partner, and incorporating a variety of stimulation during the sexual act, both men and women can boost sexual intimacy, increase partner orgasms, and make sexual pleasure a shared goal. Closing the orgasm gap takes curiosity, patience, and collaboration—but when couples put in the effort, it can transform a relationship and make every encounter more satisfying for both partners.
